Feeling Lost and Alone In The World

It was my senior year of high school, a rough time for most, and even more so for some others. I was struggling with so many thoughts and emotions at this time. My grandmother had been diagnosed with breast cancer and not doing very well and I had come to the realization that I was not like anyone else in my family, because I was attracted to other females. I felt alone and like I had no one to talk to. I didn’t like this feeling, I shouldn’t have to feel this way, I should be comfortable with who I am. Living in the South, the Bible belt, is a struggle for a lot of people when it comes to being able to express ones self. The question is how to go about it.

So, I decided to talk to my Grandmother about it. She is the one that raised me and was more like a Mother to me. It broke my heart to watch her day after day to dwindle away to nothing, because the cancer had spread throughout her body. But I wanted to be honest with her, because I felt she knew me better than anyone else. The day I told her, I was nervous, scared, worried, and I just had this pit in my stomach.Then I got up the nerve and sat down and told her, that I had a girlfriend and that I wasn’t attracted to guys. She stated, “I love you no matter what and I just want you to be happy.” This completely broke my heart and I just immediately started crying..we both did.

Later on that year, my Mother found out, from a family member that I went to school with. She questioned me about it and I was honest. Shortly after I started receiving emails and messages of Bible verses and other things talking about sin and that I am pretty much going to Hell! It was also during this time that I lost the one person I felt understood me, my Grandmother. I was so lost and I let this bother me for a long time….

Until one day I just started doing my own research, reading books, articles, Psychology books and more. This is what sparked my interest in Psychology and human behavior. I decided not to feel defeated any longer!

So, in return, I started sending my Mother articles and Bible verses. Quickly she realized that she isn’t perfect….I know this might not have been the best thing to do, but I could not get through to her any other way…. This led me on a journey of psychological learning. I decided to major in Psychology so I could help others in my situation and other situations one could be struggling with.

I have not seen many resources for the LGBTQ+ community and I understand that there is still some stigma or a financial struggle that could keep one from researching out for help or to do counseling. I believe this journey, at least for me, started with self acceptance and love. I had to overcome others lack of understanding of those that are different than they are. I had to get in the right mindset and not allow others to defeat who I am. I am now in my happy place and I want you to be as well. Just remember you are not alone and there are people that care and want to be there for you! If you need help on your journey don’t be afraid to reach out!